Raising Healthy Kids- Part 2: Everything Else

This show is the second episode in a two-part series on the topic of raising healthy kids in this modern world. In our last episode we focused on healthy eating. In this show we discuss many of the other major issues. Some of the topics discussed include: exposure to nature and sunlight, physical activity, screen time, social media, social interaction, critical thinking skills, mental health, emotional well-being, coping with stress and anxiety, mindfulness techniques, sleep, body image issues, self-esteem, resilience, and free play time vs structured enrichment activities. We hope that you enjoy the show and find something interesting and useful to you. 

Chapters

• 0:03 Healthy Kids
• 13:56 Kids' Screen Time and Social Media
• 19:54 Building Connections and Emotional Well-Being
• 26:12 Supporting Emotional Wellness in Children
• 32:01 Fostering Healthy Children's Development

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Welcome to the Wellness Connection MD podcast. I'm Dr Jim McMahon and we're grateful to have you with us today. Our show today is the second episode in a two-part series on raising healthy kids. Parents are constantly faced with new challenges from many different directions when it comes to raising healthy, well-adjusted kids in the modern world that we live in. Our two expert guests, Rachel Norgan and Liz Lindsay Matthews, continue to share with us their wisdom on the matter, based on many years of professional and personal experience. In our last show, we focused on healthy eating, and today we're going to wrap up by discussing many other challenges and opportunities for parents and children. We hope you enjoy the show.

Speaker 2: 0:44

Welcome to the Wellness Connection MD podcast with Dr McMinn and Coach Lindsey, where we bring you the latest up-to-date, evidence-based information on a wide variety of health and wellness topics, along with practical take-home solutions. Dr McMinn is an integrated and functional MD and Lindsey Matthews is a registered nurse and IIN-certified health coach. Thank you on your favorite podcast player so that you'll be notified when future episodes come out. The discussions contained in these podcasts are for educational purposes only and are not intended to diagnose or treat any disease. Please do not apply any of this information without approval from your personal doctor. And now on to the show with Dr McMinn and Coach Lindsey.

Speaker 1: 1:41

Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection MD podcast, the evidence-based podcast on all things wellness. We thank you so much for joining us today. As always, we come to you to bring you honest, commercial-free, unbiased, up-to-date, evidence-based, outcomes-oriented information, along with practical solutions in order to empower you to overcome your healthcare challenges, to optimize your wellness in mind, body and spirit, and to become a great captain of your ship when it comes to your health and your wellness. Before we get going, let me just remind you that our podcast remains commercial-free so that we can stay completely unbiased. We're not here to sell you anything and we're not going to waste your time with annoying commercials. However, it does cost us money to produce these podcasts and we put many hours of work into each episode. So think of us like public radio and consider making a contribution to help us keep this valuable information coming to you. There are a couple of ways you can contribute to the show. First, if you buy nutritional supplements, then consider purchasing physician-grade supplements from our Fullscript dispensary at a 10% discount dispensary at a 10% discount. You can see a link to Fullscript below in the show notes, or go to mcmindmdcom and the link will also be there at the bottom of the homepage under helpful links. It's quite simple Just click on the link and they'll guide you through the process. It's a classic win-win you get high quality supplements at a discount and we get your support for the show, for which we are very grateful. If you have any trouble with this, then just reach out to me at drmcminnan at yahoocom. You can also safely make a contribution to the show directly via credit card or by PayPal at the support the show link which is in the show notes. And please don't forget to subscribe to the show and tell your friends and family about us so that we can bring this valuable information to even more people. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1: 3:25

In today's show we're going to pick up where we left off on our discussion of raising healthy children in our modern-day world. Last time we focused on healthy eating and today we're going to shift gears and talk about everything else. So let's pick up where we left off with our conversations with Lindsay and Rachel, and here we go. But let's move on to play now. How important is unstructured play for children's development? It seems like we're always running from soccer practice to dance to piano lessons, but many kids have very little unstructured playtime where they can really use their imaginations. How can parents sort of strike a balance between structured and unstructured, like free time? And let me mention last summer, rachel, her family went camping with Dr Cheryl and I and oh my gosh, her kids put on so many skits and they played music and it was so much fun. But yeah, that was a great example of kind of an unstructured playtime using your imagination, so anyway. So any comments on that Rachel time using your imagination, so anyway.

Speaker 3: 4:26

so what any comments on that? Rachel? Yeah, I think one of the books I really like is Emily Oster's book, the Family Firm, and she has this concept that we take very seriously at our house and it's called the opportunity cost. You know, anytime we sign up for an activity, that's at the cost of something else that we can do, and so when we get too many structured activities, we do lose those moments where they can play freely, creatively and experience that, and even within that. You know the way siblings interact. Learning, you know social skills through that is an important part of that as well. So I definitely think free play is really important. A time that I think it looks really great is right after their school day. When they come home. Their school day is so structured because it has to be, you know, and that's a great time for them to have free time.

Speaker 1: 5:13

So, lindsay, what role does outdoor time and exposure to sunlight, connection with nature, play in a child's development and overall health?

Speaker 4: 5:19

Yes, you know, I think that outdoor time in nature and sunlight is huge. There's actually some compelling research even highlighting how vital the sunlight is for our health. You know, in recent years, I think we're kind of fearful of sun exposure. Make sure we cover up, put all the sunscreen on, wear all the clothes, but the truth is the sun is powerful, but also powerfully good for us too, in appropriate amounts. So there was a 2016 meta-analysis that was published in the Journal of Internal Medicine that revealed that a lack of sunlight exposure can be as detrimental to health as smoking Not Right to health as smoking, enough Right. So I think if a lot of us, as moms, realized how significant not letting our kids be outdoors enough was like smoking, a cigarette.

Speaker 4: 6:16

I mean, I think that would take on a whole other level of importance to us. It's almost like a whole other category of lifestyle risk. You know, like it fits in along like let's avoid obesity, let's avoid not exercising, let's avoid smoking and let's also avoid not being in the sunlight enough. You know, let's make sure we look at all of these risk factors around our health. So I think it's fascinating how important that is.

Speaker 4: 6:42

Our bodies use light for so many things, and kids especially. You know their brains are still developing, their frontal lobes not fully developed, and light is an important mechanism of that. All those different metabolism functions for hormones and neuro hormones and just all of these amazing things. There's a neurosurgeon out there that Tyler and I have just been getting hooked into reading his stuff. He's Dr Jack Cruz. He really talks a lot about the research that's emerging on how insufficient sunlight exposure affects things for kiddos, like sleep, their hormone production, their immunity, just all of those things. And so you know what's our practical takeaways on that?

Speaker 4: 7:23

I'm not saying that moms, let's get our kids roasted and like sunburned. I'm not saying that at all. Like, I think there's appropriate sun exposure and I think also there's a concept of sun callus like you build up the amount of time that you can spend in the sun. But I think certainly getting out early in the morning, like first thing in the morning, and getting some of that early sunlight is really important for regulating circadian rhythms and just helping set the day really well and then also getting out at some point later in the day for those later sunlight as well. There's just some magical things that can happen for our kiddos when we do that. So encouraging that outdoor time for the sunlight, but then also just nature in general, provides so much for our children. When we are in conflict in our house, when I'm having a ton of behavioral issues, I know it's because we haven't been outside. Enough is one of the main factors. When those power struggles start happening, it's like all right, let's all get outside. Come on, we're done.

Speaker 1: 8:25

You know what about you, Rachel? Any ideas for strategies that families can use to get regular physical activity and work that into their daily routines?

Speaker 3: 8:35

Yeah, I think it takes looking what each individual family is interested in, because you definitely want to get a buy-in from all the parties involved. So maybe that's riding bikes together, family yoga videos, you know, dancing to music together, a family run. Family runs are something we do at our house. We also bike to and from school and it's a nice time to be outside Get energy out before and after the school day is over. You can avoid the carpool drop-off lane stress as well, so that's a benefit. But definitely looking at what each yeah, it helps.

Speaker 3: 9:10

Yeah, what the families are interested in, and trying to find a way to incorporate that.

Speaker 4: 9:16

That's beautiful. What does a family run look like, Rachel? What does that look like?

Speaker 3: 9:20

Well, it looks like we're all running, but except for our three-year-old who scoots next to us. And so we, you know, pick a distance that we're going to run and, you know, encouraging skill levels, and this is how far, and let's go that way.

Speaker 4: 9:47

That's really helpful to imagine that. I can imagine your family doing that. It's beautiful.

Speaker 1: 9:52

You know, when my kids were little, I used to take them to the high school track and I would put them down in the middle of the infield and they could play in the infield while I ran around the track. So that was one way we did it as a family, yeah, and they would try to join me for a little bit, you know, and they would peter out and I'd keep going. So what about you, lindsay? Any ideas for getting the family out and get them moving, get them some sunlight? What do y'all do on a practical level?

Speaker 4: 10:15

Yeah, you know we like to have like a destination or like kind of like a purpose. So in our little neighborhood we have a horse barn that's just maybe a's your bucket and we're going to collect as many bugs as we can or sticks or acorns, you know, just to provide some other focus. Because sometimes in our family maybe that maybe we're the only family that's like this, I don't know but in our family if we're like let's go on a walk, you know, then sometimes like, oh, I don't want to go on a walk, you know, like, can we go home yet? You know, but if you add that destination or that different focus, it can kind of reframe the whole experience for everybody.

Speaker 1: 11:13

Well, that sounds fun. So yeah, I read recently that the average eight to 12 year old kid in America is exposed to about four to six hours of screen time. Oh my gosh. And the average 11 to 14 year old is exposed to a whopping nine hours of screen time per day. My gosh. And the average 11 to 14 year old is exposed to a whopping nine hours of screen time per day. I don't know where you find nine hours y'all. I mean, I'm just blown away by that. It's just kind of amazing to me and somewhat depressing, but the studies show that the increased screen time is associated with increased levels of anxiety, depression, add, disruptive sleep patterns, social and emotional isolation and lots of other problems. So it's really a big deal. So how do parents go about limiting screen time with their children.

Speaker 3: 11:52

Yeah, it's huge, and I think screen time really takes a lot of intentionality before you get started, some limit setting, that needs to be worked out ahead of time and approached consistently over time and by all those consistently involved in the caregiving and communicating those expectations clearly. And I think when any of those pieces of the puzzle get lost, there is problems with the screen time because of it. And I do think it also, like all aspects of health, takes, you know, the intentionality of how are you showing up, how much are you on your phone, on your devices and looking at with our kids. You know how much are they on the screen but also for what purpose. You know, for example, some parents you know every time their child gets dysregulated, they're putting them in front of a screen or a tablet or starting a TV show, and I understand, and what we're teaching them is the only way to feel regulated in my body is by looking at a screen, so that I think that's a tricky spot.

Speaker 3: 13:05

I think also, you know, as they get older they're, they're having their peers, who they're seeing them with accessing the technology and that can be a difficulty as well. We use that as an opportunity to have a conversation about values again, about experiencing differences respectfully. You know house, you can earn and lose screen time. It's not a guarantee and I do think giving ourselves as parents grace here because we're fighting against something big, because it's giving children who don't have a fully functioning frontal lobe a huge dopamine hit, and it's designed to do that. And it's giving children who don't have a fully functioning frontal lobe a huge dopamine hit, and it's designed to do that and it's a big challenge, you know.

Speaker 3: 13:49

I think the tech companies, they're aware of the challenge they create for parents.

Speaker 1: 13:56

I have a confession to make. You know, we moved here to Alabama from Boston. Both my girls were born in Boston and we moved down here when they were about five years old, and so in Boston we didn't have a TV at all period, so there's no screen time. And so we got down here and I realized that, oh my gosh, the Alabama games are on the Alabama football game. So I had to get a TV. But for a couple of years the girls thought it was a sports box. I told them the only thing they would play would be the Alabama game. But then they would go to school and kids would ask them about their favorite cartoon character or whatever. They didn't know any cartoon characters. So anyway, they still give me grief about that. But, as you kind of alluded to, rachel, the tech companies have kind of dropped the ball on regulating these issues. So, lizzie, any thoughts about how parents can sort of monitor and manage what their kids are doing and watching online?

Speaker 4: 14:54

You know, I think I really like what Rachel said. Modeling, you know, how are we using our phones, how are we using our technology in our family? Setting, I think is I don't know it's pretty foundational. When we talk about this, what kind of example are we setting for our kids? Because they're going to, you know, they're really smart, they're intelligent and they're going to mimic and do and want to do the same things that they see. So just being accountable.

Speaker 4: 15:20

I also think like simple things like blue light blocking, or like a simple like hey, when the sun goes down, screens go down too. You know, just like, how can we minimize the blue light? What are just simple ways that we can do that? Blue light blocking glasses are a great tool for that. But then also I think there's a lot of super wonderful apps that can help us manage, like how long our screen time is and content and things like that. That's not something yet I'm in a realm of I'd love to heal. My kids are young enough that, like I, have a high amount of control over what's happening with screens. But, rachel, do you have any other?

Speaker 3: 15:58

thoughts on that. My kids are a little older but we're still pretty regulated on screen time. You know you're not on the screens if I'm not there. Certain programs that the school district puts out, we can be in those programs. If we try to put regulations on the screen time. Our kids are so smart with technology they're gonna find workarounds to whatever blocks and things we can put on there. So I think it takes creating a space that there's honesty and communication about screen time.

Speaker 1: 16:42

You know, it's really kind of like screen time in general, but with social media, kids like 13 to 17 years old say that they use screen social media almost constantly. That's really pretty alarming for an old guy like me. Anyway, they found that for eighth graders and tenth graders, they use social media about 3.5 hours on these platforms per day and there's solid evidence to suggest that these have major mental health consequences for these children, especially for the girls. So this is truly alarming to me and I'm sure there are many factors. However, social media seems to be a major player with this bullying, feelings of missing out, feelings of being inadequate, negativity and resulting isolation. So any suggestions that you all have as far as how to manage social media specifically?

Speaker 3: 17:31

At our house we're just trying to avoid the introduction of social media and having a cell phone as long as possible, and I think you know avoiding it where you can, for as long as you can, I think, is an important strategy. I think, again, it's important to be mindful of the example we're setting. If we're on social media, how do they see us engaging with that? Do they always see us reaching for our phones when we seem dysregulated? Because how we behave, that's what they're going to really learn.

Speaker 3: 18:04

If social media has already come on the scene for your child, then that's an area where you need to really be communicating with them openly. You know the dangers to our mental health, to potentially our physical health, in terms of you know predators that are out there, those kinds of things checking in on that. Their mental health, how they're doing, is just so, so important, because I think we want our children to feel safe to come to us if they had a concern, without the fear of consequence, especially in this area. They're going to be smarter than any parental control we can get and figure out, because they're just so savvy with the tech. It's unreal. They're going to find a workaround. So we just need to create an environment of honesty.

Speaker 1: 18:48

Yeah, right, yeah, they are incredibly savvy, aren't they? So, anyway, we do have some links on this issue which we're going to share with you on the website. But, lindsay, what role does a face-to-face social interaction play in a child's development and how can we, as parents, foster this in the kind of a digital age?

Speaker 4: 19:05

Yeah, I think this is an interesting question, especially in the post-COVID world, you know, where we had a couple years of masking, where we didn't see part of faces, and just some of the information that's now coming out about how that impacted speech development and relationships for young kids and just learning in general. So I do think this is a fascinating question and I do think that that face-to-face interaction is so important and it's also like easy on social media to portray a reality that's not real. And then I think we get into some of those things that you're talking about, dr Redmond the depression, the anxiety that's so high because people are comparing themselves with something that's not really real. So I think those face-to-face interactions are so important. So how do we foster that? You know, building relationships with other families, like being a part of communities, and that just takes so much intentionality, right, rachel? I mean, like you said, it's just easy to get all these structured activities and fill our time with all these things and we're going and we're going and we're going, but we're not connecting ever with people around us.

Speaker 4: 20:20

So, yeah, what do you think, rachel? How do you guys foster connections? I think for us it's like park dates right now we're doing a lot of play dates. We're trying to do that. I'm trying to meet, play with the other kids that are there, and not just, hey, you and I are going to be by ourselves and go drive in the car and get a snack somewhere. Let's stay put and be present with the people that are around us. I think that's the season of life I'm in, but I'd love to hear how you guys are developing interactions.

Speaker 3: 21:03

Yeah, no, I think all of that is so true. And setting up play dates with those peers that they enjoy. You know, if you have neighbors who have similar age kids, let them see your kids outside playing, let them go knock on the door just like we did when we were little kids, you know to try to get neighbors outside, because I think that's something we've lost a little bit in encouraging that kind of spontaneity of interacting with people in real life that we see, just like you're doing, lindsay. I think that's beautiful and creates the social skills that have been lacking for people with COVID and all of that.

Speaker 1: 21:41

Let's move on down to a discussion about mental and emotional well-being. We've talked a little bit about physical health, but I think that that whole person concept is huge. So how can we foster mental and emotional well-being, Rachel?

Speaker 3: 21:54

Yeah, I think this is such a good question. I think it starts by us attending to our own mental health and emotional well-being because, again, they're watching us. They're watching us how we cope and, for example, if I get overwhelmed, I like to say out loud I'm feeling overwhelmed and I'm going to take some deep breaths because we're modeling the behavior. But the bonus is explaining it to them and that helps them build the skills and it helps them build the language around emotions, which can be hard for children. There's a lot of really great resources out there. There's so many books and workbooks to talk about. You know, these kind of area of social emotional learning. There's games, there's podcasts. You know, if you have a particular area you're concerned about, there's a lot of great things out there.

Speaker 3: 22:40

My kids, you know I found that, like any kind of fiction book where the character's experiencing something similar is a great jumping off point. You read the story. Has anything like that ever happened to you? Some of my favorite ones are there's the Little Spot series by Diane Albor, a kid's book about nervous system regulation by Dr Joy Malik Hasbrook, and Soda Pop Head by Julia Cook are ones we read a lot. We also really like board games. At our house we play several that are, you know, with the theme of social emotional learning. It's something that we work on at our house, just like math homework. It's something we talk about a lot. It's really, really important.

Speaker 1: 23:27

Now are both of y'all too young to remember the Andy Griffith show.

Speaker 3: 23:31

No, I do.

Speaker 4: 23:32

Oh, I definitely watched the Andy Griffith show. I remember it yeah good, good, good.

Speaker 1: 23:37

Well, yeah, it was based in this little town called Mayberry, you know, and it's kind of like the world I grew up in. But it seems like, oh my gosh, there's so much stress on kids these days that we didn't have back then. And so, rachel, what are some healthy ways for children to kind of cope with?

Speaker 3: 23:52

the stress and anxiety that they're faced with these days. Yeah, I think a great place to start is by having children notice where in their bodies they're experiencing stress, what does it feel like, and that can help you individualize an approach for them, because they need to start by noticing it and and you know that that, building from there, I think there's lots of great strategies out there. It takes some experimenting to see what will work with your individual child. You know I have a chance.

Speaker 3: 24:18

One of my children really likes a breathing technique called rainbow breathing. So as a family we painted a picture of a rainbow and you know we hung it on a canvas so people could see it. Remember to do it and people could see if you were over there doing that, that you were needing a moment and just to kind of to practice that deep breathing with that visual reminder. But one of my other children he needs space, he needs time to be alone and you know, maybe it looks like movement for your kid. They need to get some physical activity, like Lindsay was saying, and maybe it looks like a calm down corner and trying different things, evolving your strategy over time as they develop neurologically You're going to have to kind of keep addressing it. What you're doing is still working for them, but you know it starts by them recognizing Well, thank you, Lindsay.

Speaker 1: 25:11

what about you? How do you recognize signs of stress in your children and any particular coping mechanisms that you would recommend?

Speaker 4: 25:18

Yeah, I think my kiddos when they're stressed out, they get more agitated. We have more whining kiddos when they're stressed out, they get more agitated. We have more whining, more complaining, just that cycle of asking the same question, like over and over and over again, and sometimes just in different ways, but we ask the same question or just not listening. In general, those can all be clues to me that, hey, we are stressed or we're anxious or something's off, we're not regulating well. So I think again, we've said it several times, but modeling is so huge. I love, rachel, that you gave that example. I'm feeling overwhelmed right now. I'm going to take just a moment and I've had to start doing that as well with my kids Just, I'm feeling overwhelmed right now. I'm going to be mommy's, going to be quiet for a moment and I'm not going to talk, and then I'll be able to talk with you in a few minutes.

Speaker 4: 26:12

Those are things that I've modeled, but also I think it's really important to allow them to have the emotion. I think a lot of us were raised like stop crying. Lot of us were raised like stop crying, stop crying, stop whining. And so we have this idea that those negative emotions have no place, like they're not acceptable, we can't handle them. And this is where I think resilience comes into play, because we do want like negative, negative, quote unquote negative emotions are part of life and we're all going to experience them.

Speaker 4: 26:49

And if we don't teach our kids right now how to handle being disappointed, how to handle being upset, and if we don't teach them modeling that, and if we don't teach them that this is a safe place while they're supported by me, so if they then become adults and have no support to have that emotion at all, like I'm setting them up for failure and not resilience. So I want to not just say stop crying, like I want to acknowledge the emotion. You're feeling disappointed, aren't you? You're feeling sad, and that's okay. It's okay to feel sad, it's okay to cry I cry too sometimes and just first like normalizing that and then from there, like Rachel was saying, depending on the child, we can then pick a coping mechanism, which a lot of times for me in this season of my life is I'm going to let you sit over here quietly until you're ready, until you're able to tell me what you need, or until we can talk about this. That kind of thing is usually a tool that I'm using a lot these days.

Speaker 1: 27:54

Lindsay, what about the role of things like mindfulness or meditation or relaxation techniques or yoga in terms of managing stress for children and parents?

Speaker 4: 28:04

I think those are wonderful tools and, honestly, that's something that I feel like it's an area I need to grow in. We have done like some yoga board books you know where we've gone through those pages and practice those breathings, and I think one of the best things about that is to do that as a habit, more than just like in the moment when we're stressed. We try to introduce that tool. Let's like work on cultivating those times when we're in a space where everybody's happy and it's easy to do, so that when we are stressed it's not hard to introduce that kind of concept. I remember with Mary Ellen when she was little and we were trying to teach her how to deep breathe.

Speaker 4: 28:43

I remember just, you know, intentionally, in the backseat, when she was like crying or upset in her car seat, she'd be like, you know, like just this hyperventilation thing. And you know, I say that just to like have some space with it because like it's a learning curve for them. You know it's a learning curve for us and it's also a learning curve for them. You know, I think, as adults, so many people say meditation is so hard for me and it's also hard for kids, and so we have to create that space and allow that grace for it to be something that we teach, and it takes time to learn, and we do it not just when we're stressed out, we do it as part of our life, like brushing our teeth. So that's something I need to practice when I'm preaching here, but I just think that's a concept that would be really wonderful.

Speaker 1: 29:31

You know, the state of Alabama had a three decade long ban on teaching yoga in schools. But we're making progress. We just lifted the ban, which I'm really happy about. But having said that, we still bar the use of the words om and namaste in our public schools. So, anyway, for what that's worth. So, Lizzie, let's see what about the role of sleep in a child's overall health.

Speaker 4: 29:52

Yeah, sleep's so important. You know that's huge and essential for their brain development, for cognitive development, for help them to kind of consolidate those short-term, long-term memory things and file them away in the right spot. It's important for problem-solving thinking Also. You know, you just got to have sleep to grow right and that's a lot of times when that growth hormone is released. So it's vital for physical development and muscle repair. And then it's also important for emotional regulation and I think we can all acknowledge that as adults, like I, just need to sleep on this and then I can think about it tomorrow better, and kids all the more so they need that sleep for that emotional regulations.

Speaker 4: 30:31

So you know routines, I think like we can talk about that. Like, how do we foster good sleep habits, good sleep hygiene and some of the things that we've said in this podcast, dr Mack, on your, your sleep hygiene and getting a good night's sleep those handouts are out there and I think a lot of those things apply to kids. Just like adults, we want to sleep like a baby. So how do we do that? So I think just creating those routines whatever the routine is a routine. It just clues the kids into. Oh yes, maybe that's the same song every night, maybe it's the same prayers, maybe it's that gratitude practice, the bath time, whatever those things are, reading those books and just bringing us down into that, but then also just having that consistent routine of it.

Speaker 4: 31:24

And then the environment. I think it's really important. I know so many families whose kids fall asleep with TV in their room. They have to have the TV on to fall asleep and I just think that is a problem on so many levels, unfortunately, and I think people don't realize how that blue light is affecting the kiddos melatonin production in such a negative way and affecting their dopamine levels, like Rachel said, and just all of these other aspects. So a good sleep environment, I think, is really key for our kiddos yeah, well, thank you.

Speaker 1: 32:01

Now let's move on to the concept of body image issues with children, and I think it affects both genders, but especially for girls. I'm just kind of curious if you guys have any thoughts on at what age does that kick in, any impressions for that? I mean, rachel, your kids are still pretty young, but do they ever? I would imagine there's some kids even at that age. If there's, like, for instance, an obese girl in class, they probably get some grief about that right girl in class, they probably get some grief about that, right. So at what age do kids have body image issues, especially with, like, the online social media influences, and any thoughts on how we can help them with that?

Speaker 3: 32:34

Yeah, I think it's really early. Even my three-year-old, you know, she gets that messaging from people you know about the importance of being pretty and what does pretty look like, because it's a pretty narrow definition, and so it's. It's a challenge because it starts much earlier than you think and I think again I keep coming back to this it's you know it starts by being mindful about our own languages, that our own language that we're using to describe ourselves, because we're our first teacher to them, and so you know, being mindful to not talk really negatively about your body is really important. I think having from a really early age, toys and books and exposures to differences in terms of appearance is helpful.

Speaker 3: 33:17

There's lots of ways to be beautiful and can we find that? Because you know, I think that's really helpful. I think also trying to avoid praise that values physical appearance so highly can be really, really important. They're already getting that messaging everywhere, so can we show how we value them in other ways? You know that they're amazing, special and unique, outside of saying you look so pretty in that dress, which OK, and you're also all of these other things.

Speaker 1: 33:49

Over the years, Cheryl and I always kind of avoided telling girls you look pretty. Instead, we would tell them you look smart and competent. I love that Girls need to hear that.

Speaker 3: 33:59

I love that. Yes, they do Right. Yeah, they do yeah.

Speaker 1: 34:04

You look so smart and competent today. No-transcript.

Speaker 4: 34:22

You know, dr Mack, if I figure this out, I think I'm a genius.

Speaker 4: 34:26

Yeah, you are a genius, but you know, I think at this point on my parenting journey with a two-year-old and a five-year-old, I can say I think it depends a lot on the age you know and the development and then the personality you know.

Speaker 4: 34:48

Like Rachel said earlier, I think you want to create an environment of honesty and trust where they can talk to you about things, so that there's like a certain level of freedom where we are talking about things and we trust each other and we have an open environment.

Speaker 4: 34:59

I think we want to encourage critical thinking wherever we can and I think one of the best tools to do that is asking a lot of questions and allowing them to kind of come to solutions and realize things and then by doing that they can learn and build that toolbox of like what are good things, what are bad things, and also learn independence through that questioning process. And then I think bottom line is like maintaining connection, like always being to me. It is so much more important at the end of the day to focus on connection with my child versus behavioral outcomes, like I want them to always feel connected with me in any kind of discipline moment, in any kind of correction moment. The end result of that I want to be connection versus just them doing the right thing. And I think if they come back to a place of connection then I can safely support them in fostering that environment of independence and like avoiding harmful things if we have that trust and connection.

Speaker 1: 36:05

So, lindsay, then what about the concept of self-esteem? How do you help to foster a healthy self-esteem in a child?

Speaker 4: 36:13

You know, I think we want to show them that we trust them wherever we can give them opportunities to be trusted and then also give them opportunities to fail in a safe way and failure is okay. In fact, failure is the best tool to grow, and so I want my kids to be okay with failing and know that they're unconditionally loved and to fail in an environment where they have my support. So, you know, I've heard it also said by some people like let them do dangerous things safely so that they learn like I can do hard things and build that confidence and that self-esteem in that way.

Speaker 1: 37:02

When I was a kid, we did dangerous things unsafely.

Speaker 2: 37:05

And it's amazing, we survived unsafely.

Speaker 1: 37:06

It's amazing we survived. It really is, it was amazing we survived. What about concepts, lindsay, like loving, kindness and conflict resolution and empathy? It seems like we don't have enough of that in this world. You know grace, that kind of thing. How do you teach a child those principles?

Speaker 4: 37:27

Again, I like the use of open-ended questions being a better teacher than like a monologue from me. You know like I think about that. Charlie Brown teacher, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. You know I could have all the most perfect words in the world and all they're going to hear from me is that wah, wah, wah, wah. So I think using questions is such a powerful way for kids to learn. Like, for example I just noticed you hit your sister. How do you think she feels? Do you like being hit? What do you think you should do now? How are you going to fix this? I think those questions can lead them to their own solutions and then that's a more powerful tool than anything else I can do.

Speaker 1: 38:16

You know, rachel, these kids are going to be faced with challenges, and so how do we foster resilience in children so they can cope with life's challenges?

Speaker 3: 38:26

resilience in children so they can cope with life's challenges? Yeah, no, I think that's a great question. You know, I think, like so many things, again, it starts with modeling. It also starts with listening to our children without emotionally invalidating them. So that was something you know, lindsay, you mentioned earlier. We're not going to tell them to stop crying. We're going to start by acknowledging their emotion because you know we don't. We're not just trying to shut down the behavior, not just trying to shut down the emotion. We want them to feel heard, helping them find the language around emotional experiences, thinking about, you know what and where they feel it in their body, looking at, you know, trying to grow their, their sense of independence. And when things don't go well, when they make an attempt and it doesn't go well, you know saying you know that's a beautiful first try, and they can say things like I can't do this yet, because that reflects that growth mindset versus a fixed mindset.

Speaker 3: 39:23

You know, I and I think that's really important is looking at things through a fixed mindset. You know, and I think that's really important is looking at things through a growth mindset. And you know, maybe you grew up in a house that had a fixed mindset and this is going to be a really challenging shift. Instead of saying to the kids, you know, you're so smart, you did so well on this test, saying you work so hard, you must feel so proud of how you did. Because fixed mindset is I'm smart, growth mindset is I worked hard and I did great. And we want to be mindful of the messaging we're sending when we praise them, because that's what they're hearing.

Speaker 3: 39:59

I think, like Lindsay said, we also, you know, as parents, maybe we do want to rescue our children from any kind of failure. Letting them experience natural consequences is important. I forgot my homework. Now what do I do? And you know, making sure not to shield them from all those negative experiences can create conversations about how do we recover when we lose a game, when things don't go as planned. You know how can we do that, and in a small way, and that's the building blocks to it as an adult as well.

Speaker 1: 40:33

So, lindsay, as you know, I'm always concerned about toxin exposure. This is a big deal. We we did a whole podcast on that years ago and it seems like way everywhere you turn we're exposed to toxins. There was something on the news just today about every single brand of tampon tested had high levels of heavy metals, isn't that something? And of course, you get all the microplastics from drinking out of plastic bottles these days and stuff like that, and that affects especially girls. Girls who drink out of plastic bottles have more polycystic ovary syndrome, more endometriosis, and so it's a big deal. So what do you think are some of the biggest sort of environmental health concerns from children today, and how can families reduce exposure to harmful chemicals and pollutants?

Speaker 4: 41:11

Top things in my mind. I definitely think plastics and heating, our food and plastic containers, our water bottles and plastic water bottles. I think you know wherever we can take our water bottles with us and refill them and use a safe water bottle is a great one for kids. I think clean food as much as is possible. You know we're trying to find sustainably farmed animals. We're trying to find as close to organic if we're able to as possible and then, if we're not, we're looking at the dirty dozen and the clean 15, you know those produces that where it's important to buy the organic and where we can maybe get the non-organic because it's not going to be as affected by the pesticides.

Speaker 4: 41:58

Also, you know, I think the whole concept of junk light, which goes back to the whole screens and blue light and all of that is a form of pollution as well that we need to be aware of with our kids. I think one of the most practical resources that I always keep coming back to and I've mentioned many podcasts before is the EWG Skin Deep database. As far as personal care products go, this is my go-to for when I'm buying sunscreen, for when I'm buying any kind of personal care products for the kids toothpaste. Whatever I look at the information that they put out on specific products to make my consumer decision about what we're going to purchase and use in our home.

Speaker 1: 42:39

You know, people don't realize. What you put on your skin goes through your skin and into your bloodstream. You know, I see people slathering on bug spray all the time, like every day, and I think, oh my gosh, it's got to be detrimental to their health. Part two of the question is then how can we teach kids to be good stewards of our environment? Moving forward, Rachel. Any thoughts on that?

Speaker 3: 42:59

Yeah, I think it takes, you know, honesty at an age-appropriate level, like all things. But talking about animals who are endangered due to habitat loss, you know can be really helpful Minimizing your waste, especially plastics, you know, encouraging them to pick up trash, not litter anything that you can. That makes it tangible about being mindful of our own personal effect on the environment. We used to for a long, long time go as a family on a trash walk and you know you saw who could pick up the most trash in the neighborhood, and so I think it takes an age-appropriate dose of honesty.

Speaker 1: 43:38

Great. And so what about? You know, kids are always watching us as parents, and so what can we do as parents to model healthy behaviors and lifestyle choices for our children?

Speaker 3: 43:51

Yeah, I think this is just one of those areas. You have to be walking the walk first before you can approach it with your kids. They need to see you focused on a balanced diet, prioritizing exercise, prioritizing your own emotional well-being. I also like to narrate my choices. You know, when my kids ask me why didn't you leave to go exercise, I say you know exercise is good for my body and my mind and they really they're going to call you out if you're not doing it anyhow, so it's better to just start by, you know, really walking the walk in all those ways that you want them to.

Speaker 1: 44:26

Well, all right, and so we've covered a ton of ground here today, and so is there anything that I've not asked you about that you think is important as far as raising healthy children?

Speaker 3: 44:37

I don't think so. I think that covers it.

Speaker 4: 44:39

I think we've covered a lot of ground. Okay, I think this could certainly be a podcast we revisit and hear from our listeners what parts they want to hear more on, but I think we've done a really broad introductory show here.

Speaker 1: 44:56

What about you, Rachel?

Speaker 3: 44:57

No, I agree. I can't think of anything else. I think we've covered a lot of bases.

Speaker 1: 45:02

All right. Well, maybe when your kids get to be teenagers, we'll have to come back and revisit things. Things will be entirely different by then, and so that will about do it for this episode of the Wellness Connection MD podcast. And, rachel and Lizzie, thank you so much for sharing your expertise and your passion on this important subject with us today. It was really fun to talk to you and to you, the listener. Thank you very much for joining us today. I hope we were able to share something with you that was helpful for you.

Speaker 4: 45:27

Don't forget to check us out at mcminnndcom, where you can find lots of great resources and the Wellness MD blog as well. Also, please help us grow the podcast by telling your friends and family about us.

Speaker 1: 45:41

And please take a moment to rate us on iTunes. These reviews really do help us out. We've had some feedback from some folks that it can be difficult to actually do these reviews, so we have a dedicated page on the website to explain to you exactly how to do this on your iPhone, step-by-step. You can find this at mcmindycom forward slash reviews. If you want to reach out to me by email, you can do so at drmcmindy. At yahoocom. You can also find me at facebookcom, slash mcminnmd or instagramcom, slash mcminnmd. I'll have all of our links for you at the bottom of the homepage on mcminnmdcom. So that should wrap it up. Thank you again so much for listening to us. We really appreciate it. This is Dr McMinn and this is Coach.

Speaker 4: 46:22

Lindsay.

Speaker 1: 46:24

Take care and be well.